Mini Panic Attack

So first off, let’s just hit the highlights of the good things from today.

1. Ben Napier from “Home Town” on HGTV “liked” my tweet this morning, and I just about died. Yall may remember, it was Erin Napier’s daily journal blog that inspired me to start writing daily as well, and I just really, really like them as people, and I love their TV show.

2. Then tonight, after I picked up Emerson, and Jeff picked up the boys, we met at Burrito Boarder for $1 tacos for Taco Tuesday. Yum!

And now on to the real meat of today’s post, while I’m curled up in bed, enjoying some quiet time to calm down…

Every night while I rock Emerson to sleep, I always pray silently, and list all the things I’m thankful for about her specifically, and everything else in our lives. But then tonight while I was doing that, I had a mini panic attack thinking about her turning ONE in two weeks. I was thinking about how I’m not sure how I’ll feel on July 9th, and then it hit me…

She’s just growing up too fast. This first year has flown by, and I honestly don’t even know how it happened. (Didn’t I just give birth like, 3 weeks ago!?) So then I started crying, and even though I was trying to control myself, it felt like my heart was being squeezed in my chest, and I was just overwhelmed. I started thinking about all the time I have to spend away from her while I’m at work, and I hate it so much. And then my mind just started running rampant, as tends to happen in these situations, and then I was just crying & staring into her beautiful blue eyes. Babies don’t keep y’all, and mine’s almost gone. My baby girl will be a toddler in just a few weeks, and I’m clearly not ready for it. I mean, I know she’ll always be my baby girl, my first born, but I’m not ready for her to actually grow up yet!!

I know lots of my friends have been through this before, or are even preparing to go through it soon too, for those of you who had babies all around the same time I did… So, how do you other Mama’s handle it?! I think I’m gonna be a mess on her actual birthday! Hoping I can keep my cool every day until then, although with my super sensitive, emotional personality, I don’t see how that would happen…

Pray for me/us, as we prepare for our baby girls’ first birthday! Clearly I/we need it!

Now I’m going to go wash dishes (laundry & dishes are just never-ending chores, amiright?), and listen to a totally random, easy-going audiobook memoir about a NY Times restaurant critic. Night!

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